(written 11-9-11)
as i sit here and listen my sister cry in the corner of the office
i wonder why these young souls are trying to so desperately to numb their bodies
to take drugs, drink and do whatever they can to make things go away
why are they so very troubled today?
and then i think
we are all troubled
we just deal with it differently
each one of us
my son and nephew will be burying one of their very best friends tomorrow
what a sad day this will be
a mother has to bury her own child, only 23 years old
my heart is breaking for all of them, their friends and his parents
i guess we all deal with that feeling of no self-worth differently
we all deal with the feeling of nobody wanting us differently
the feeling that we arent good enough
the wanting to fit in.....and just be happy
or maybe just getting through ONE MORE DAY
i want so badly to say this is so selfish of him
he knew he was doing the wrong thing
and yet he still did it
and took that chance
and now, his family and friends have a huge hole in their heart
a hole where he was
an empty feeling
everyone is second guessing their own actions
wondering if there was something else they might have been able to do
when actually, they all did everything they could possibly do
they were always there for him, they told him what he was doing wasnt good
and he knew that this would someday happen
and yet he still chose this road
he was one of the kindest, sweetest and funniest friends of theirs
he always, always had a smile on his face
he use to greet my son with " hey there lighthouse"
because my son is so tall....and my son would just SMILE
he had that way about him
he made YOU smile
i would like to believe that GOD has a plan for him
it somehow comforts me to think that maybe he took him out of THIS life
to stop him from having anymore pain
and before he did something worse
but i don't know
why couldn't HE just help him a little more
to kick this
to get better........
my son and nephew need him HERE......
my nephew is taking it the hardest
he hasn't stopped crying since Sunday morning
and he is the one i most worried about
he is sensitive and this was his BEST friend
he also relys on substances to make him feel numb
and this is when i worry
although my sister and i can not watch him constantly
we can be there to talk to him
but i am so afraid of the days ahead
i am just not sure what is going to happen to him
he is falling apart daily, and tomorrow is going to be tragic
today i read an article about teens soaking tampons in vodka,
and inserting them to get HIGH
its not only the girls, the guys too
really kids?
why is it so important to be loaded....numb?!?!
this is life
you are SUPPOSE TO FEEL
that's what makes it LIFE.......
everyday its something new these kids are trying
and everyday another dies
our youth today need help
and in a bad way
i have preached and preached to my children
they know
they are 18 and 23 now, all i can do is be there to answer any questions
my 18 year old talks to me about EVERYTHING
and i am so grateful
this world has lost another young soul
one that was good and loving
what is becoming of our youth!?!?!
