When i said I didn't care and that it didn't hurt me. Cause everything really does hurt in some way. Doesn't it? No matter who is causing the pain. A friend. A co worker. A family member. Your lover. Your spouse. If it doesn't hurt. Then are you really human ? If something doesn't bother you .... What does that mean?
I know things have hurt me deeper than I lead people to believe.
Which makes me think of the song tears of a clown. I think that's me sometimes. I try really hard to make myself look all happy on the outside so that nobody worries about me when deep down inside I am slowing losing myself. My self esteem. My self worth. There are only a few people in this world that really mean the world to me and yet I let other people control my ability to move on.
Why do I let people affect me so much. Why do we let people define us.
Just because he says your a bitch and a bad person, that doesn't really mean you are. And just because you aren't good enough. That really doesn't mean that you aren't. Instead I let these words and actions bring me down.
I said I was going to start this year new and do for me. And so far I haven't yet. Instead I have sat here and felt sorry for myself. Sunk myself into quite a hole. One of complete depression. I need to do something. Soon. For me.
Chele
