Recent events

I can't help but believe the recent events in Boston have affected me in some ways

These acts are sometimes over done on social media and the news and people do tend to get carried away

But I also believe that the victims and their loved ones have to know that people out there care

We can't just sit back and be silent
I for one am one of those that share my feelings in twitter and Facebook.
If I feel strong enough about something
You are going to read about it
I hope that the out poor of genuine concern and care have reached these victims and their families
They are not forgotten

I don't know who did this and why
And it is not for me to try and find out
And I can't even begin to wrap my brain around this

If its a conspiracy thing like everybody says, then that completely freaks me out
If its a terrorist attack, them that completely pisses me off
If its a mentally ill person, that makes me extremely sad

These kind of events affect me more than I had even imagined. Watching this unfold reminded me of 9/11 all over again
I was completely heartbroken
How
Why
All the questions
The innocent people

It's so hard to digest
I wanna know what is happening
But sometimes it's just too hard to continue to watch it

I just hope that whoever did this horrific act will pay at some point

I hope that karma comes back
Seems she always does

Easter Time

This has always been my most favorite time of the year
spring time
flowers
freshness
hunting for easter eggs
just a clean start, everything new

its always been a time of year my family gets together
and we dye easter eggs
and we have a big easter egg hunt
even now, with the kids being adults, i still make them dye easter eggs
and they like it
actually they love it
the girlfriends have gotten excited about it now
their families never did anything like this
what?
and i thought my family was dysfunctional
and yet we seem way above normal

its the traditions
those stick with the kids
through the years
they have stuck with me
and it seems odd when we dont stick with them

i miss these days tho
the days when i was young
and had no worries
my sister and i, always having to put on our new easter dress
always had the shoes, hat and new purse to match!

every year until we were teenagers
then we started doing the same thing to our own kids

the smell of the blooming flowers
the freshness of rain
the butterflies
all reminds me of spring and the wonderful memories we had

memories
cherish them

you are never too old.....

.........to not need your daddy

Today I got some really upsetting news
some news that I never really thought about getting till I was old enough to realize
that my parents weren't going to be around ALL OF MY LIFE

And just recently I started realizing that they are getting older
and they cant do everything like they use to
trust me they can both still keep up with me going out drinking
and having a good time
my mom and dad can out dance and drink people who are in their 20's
they are full of life
and love having fun

they are my best friends
We go everywhere together
vacation, store, dinner, out, dancing

So...today was not a good day

as i was sitting in the park i watched a young man
and his little girl playing in the park
it reminded me of my daddy and i
and i started thinking back on all the fun
all the motorcycle riding, the camping trips
the vacations, holidays just sitting around being goofy


i found out today my daddy has Cancer
i know in today's time there are ways to treat
and people beat it everyday
but when your mom calls you
crying uncontrollably
and tells me dad has the C word!!!

and my heart is breaking now
my daddy
i love my daddy
(written 10-31-12)

broken wings

Thank you for being 
Such a friend to me; 
Oh, I pray a friend for life.
And have I ever told you 
How much you mean to me?
Oh, you're everything to me
I'm thinking all the time, 
How to tell you what I feel, 
I'm contemplating phrases... 
I'm gazing at eternity; 
I am floating in serenity... 

And I am so lost for words.
And I am so overwhelmed.

Please don't go just yet.
Can we stay a moment please?
We can dance together; 
We can dance forever.

Under your stars tonight, 
And I am so overwhelmed.

So close your eyes, 
But don't dream too deep.
And please pass me some memories.
And when I fall you're underneath
A thousand broken hearts, 
Carried by a thousand broken wings.

A thousand broken wings.

Gone far too soon

(written 11-9-11)

as i sit here and listen my sister cry in the corner of the office

i wonder why these young souls are trying to so desperately to numb their bodies

to take drugs, drink and do whatever they can to make things go away

why are they so very troubled today?

and then i think

we are all troubled

we just deal with it differently

each one of us

my son and nephew will be burying one of their very best friends tomorrow

what a sad day this will be

a mother has to bury her own child, only 23 years old

my heart is breaking for all of them, their friends and his parents

i guess we all deal with that feeling of no self-worth differently

we all deal with the feeling of nobody wanting us differently

the feeling that we arent good enough

the wanting to fit in.....and just be happy

or maybe just getting through ONE MORE DAY

i want so badly to say this is so selfish of him

he knew he was doing the wrong thing

and yet he still did it

and took that chance

and now, his family and friends have a huge hole in their heart

a hole where he was

an empty feeling

everyone is second guessing their own actions

wondering if there was something else they might have been able to do

when actually, they all did everything they could possibly do

they were always there for him, they told him what he was doing wasnt good

and he knew that this would someday happen

and yet he still chose this road

he was one of the kindest, sweetest and funniest friends of theirs

he always, always had a smile on his face

he use to greet my son with " hey there lighthouse"

because my son is so tall....and my son would just SMILE

he had that way about him

he made YOU smile

i would like to believe that GOD has a plan for him

it somehow comforts me to think that maybe he took him out of THIS life

to stop him from having anymore pain

and before he did something worse

but i don't know

why couldn't HE just help him a little more

to kick this

to get better........

my son and nephew need him HERE......

my nephew is taking it the hardest

he hasn't stopped crying since Sunday morning

and he is the one i most worried about

he is sensitive and this was his BEST friend

he also relys on substances to make him feel numb

and this is when i worry

although my sister and i can not watch him constantly

we can be there to talk to him

but i am so afraid of the days ahead

i am just not sure what is going to happen to him

he is falling apart daily, and tomorrow is going to be tragic

today i read an article about teens soaking tampons in vodka,

and inserting them to get HIGH

its not only the girls, the guys too

really kids?

why is it so important to be loaded....numb?!?!

this is life

you are SUPPOSE TO FEEL

that's what makes it LIFE.......

everyday its something new these kids are trying

and everyday another dies

our youth today need help

and in a bad way

i have preached and preached to my children

they know

they are 18 and 23 now, all i can do is be there to answer any questions

my 18 year old talks to me about EVERYTHING

and i am so grateful

this world has lost another young soul

one that was good and loving

what is becoming of our youth!?!?!

Better than Ezra

Such an amazing night
So many people
So much fun

I want to see them again
There is tonight's show :)

Thank god I have my BTE

hanging by a moment

I'm desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me now

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That can change my mind

Just hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment here with you

.......................................................

~chelie