I'll need a Pinky-swear

I am copying this from a very brave and graceful mom from Ponchatoula, LA.  Her name is Courtney Roth, and her son Tripp was born May 14, 2009 and left this world on January 14, 2012.  He had a very rare disease with no cure called Epidermolysis Bullosa.

She wrote this for him only months before he received his wings in heaven.  And as she writes in her blog later on, we ALL know his wings are BIG!!! 

It touched me deeply, I am so thankful to have healthy children and to not have to endure such tragedy, but I also feel selfish knowing that I am thanking God this didn't happen to me.  This courageous woman took on the responsibility of taking care of her son at her home, by herself instead of having him continue to be in a hospital for the rest of his life.  From the moment he was born she knew he would change her life forever, and he did.


As he lies in my lap

And together we sway

I rock him to sleep 

And meanwhile I pray:

"Dear God, I know you can see us

And you're watching from above

Filled with sadness for him, as we are,

And equally in love.

I've never once asked You "why?"

Nor questioned if You were near. 

But I do have one request tonight, 

I pray that you will hear. 

When it's time for You to call him home, 

And my hope turns into despair,

I will need more than a promise from You,

I'll need a pinky-swear...

That you will hold him close to Your chest,

And say "I love you" all day long.

That you will rock him 'til your knees get sore,

And sing his favorite songs.

Tell me that You'll keep him safe,

So I will not be distressed.

Tell me that he'll will get his wings

And tell me he'll be blessed.

Let me know he made it safely,

Without a single blister or bleed,

Let me know that you will do MY job,

To fulfill his every need.

I have to know that you will love him,

Just as much, or more, than I do.

And when he finally speaks a word,

That You'll record it so I can hear, too.

My buddy is going to need Your help,

With so much yet to learn.

Like using a spoon, writing his name,

And having to wait his turn. 

God, please be patient when he tries,

For he's such a sweet and loving boy.

Please give him every thing he wants,

But make sure he shares his toys.

These are things I'll miss out on,

Like no Mommy should have to do. 

So don't let one milestone go unnoticed,

Please, I'm begging You.

He likes Elmo's ducks, The Three little Pigs,

Shoo Fly and Counting to Four.

Big Green Tractor, Rise and Shine. 

And when they stop, he'll tell you "more."

He holds certain toys in certain hands, 

And says yes with a big smile.

Please spend some extra special time,

And talk with him awhile.  

It breaks my heart to have to think

That he won't graduate from school. 

Or go to prom, or have kids of his own,

Or even break a single rule.

Tell him for me- please don't forget,

That I wanted him to stay. 

That I tried and tried to ease his pain,

But it was only YOU who knew the way.

I know you have a choir of angels,

Who play music while they fly.

And if they need a drummer boy-

Well, my Tripp, he's their guy!

You've probably seen it for yourself,

That he's one brave kid, indeed.

But he'll be scared if You have to leave,

So stay with him, I plead. 

If he has to go to Heaven first,

I'll make one promise back to You- 

I'll miss him every second he's gone, 

And spend the rest of my life trying to get there, too.

I hope that's not too much to ask,

And I trust You'll do your best. 

To fill my spot, just temporary, 

And answer my requests.

Thank in advance, Dear God.

Because I know You're a busy man. 

I trust in You and in Your Will

And know You have a plan."

Words just simply can't express

To my only son who just turned two-

How very much my heart will ache

If that rocking chair is without you.

So dear sweet angel baby of mine, 

If we ever have to say goodbye...

I'll rock you in my heart forever, 

Until we meet again in the sky. 

Written by Mommy

7/14/11

hug the ones you love TODAY, there might not be a tomorrow!

XO,

M

I lied

When i said I didn't care and that it didn't hurt me. Cause everything really does hurt in some way. Doesn't it? No matter who is causing the pain. A friend. A co worker. A family member. Your lover. Your spouse. If it doesn't hurt. Then are you really human ? If something doesn't bother you .... What does that mean?

I know things have hurt me deeper than I lead people to believe.

Which makes me think of the song tears of a clown. I think that's me sometimes. I try really hard to make myself look all happy on the outside so that nobody worries about me when deep down inside I am slowing losing myself. My self esteem. My self worth. There are only a few people in this world that really mean the world to me and yet I let other people control my ability to move on.

Why do I let people affect me so much. Why do we let people define us.

Just because he says your a bitch and a bad person, that doesn't really mean you are. And just because you aren't good enough. That really doesn't mean that you aren't. Instead I let these words and actions bring me down.

I said I was going to start this year new and do for me. And so far I haven't yet. Instead I have sat here and felt sorry for myself. Sunk myself into quite a hole. One of complete depression. I need to do something. Soon. For me.

Chele

New year.....

Well it's the new year and I have been trying to figure out exactly what I am going to different. Instead of sitting down and thinking about it. I am just going to try and improve my everyday living one day at a time. It is true that the people around you can bring you down. It happens to me everyday. I use to think it was just me, but it seems everytime I am in a good mood someone smashes it. Some people try so hard to be miserable when all it takes is a little happy thought or some little positive thinking and things get just a little better, not only for you but for everyone around you. Take for instance,Monday come back to work after all these long weekends due to the holidays. I was well prepared to not want to be here for a full week. I brought a huge back full of grocerys into work, enough food to last me the whole week. Here I come with my huge bag/purse with my personal items in it. My iPad, wallet, makeup ya know the things we need on a daily basis. And on the other shoulder is an oversized bag full of groceries.....this bag wasn't very light. I walk thru the automatic doors and since I had these large bags I would normally take the elevator, when I walk in I see the NEW girl from IT. I haven't met her yet. She looked my way and proceeded to get on the elevator and not hold it for me. Grant it, I only work on the 3rd floor but large bags and heels don't go very well walking up old metal concrete stairs, my heel gets stuck on them all the time. But really, what kind of person does that? Well I think I know now. Someone who really doesn't give a crap about anyone else. Cause just out of courtesy you should hold it for someone coming, anyone....a stranger or a co-worker . So I do believe I have this girl on my I WON'T HOLD THE ELEVATOR FOR YOU BITCH list. So that is one example of how you can affect the people around you.

So SMILE, even though inside you aren't happy. Be NICE to someone, even though you might not like them. But most of all be HAPPY cause you are here, alive and able to see one more day of this beautiful world.

Have a good day people!!!!!
Chele